I Suppose I'm Supposed to Give You Fools Another Grammar Lesson

Suppose vs. supposed. This is a grammatical disaster perhaps even worse THAN (I'm making a contrast here, remember?) then and than. I've seen this one pop up a lot on facebook and twitter in recent days, months, etc. (By parents, educators & celebs no less. Maybe the celebrities are a little more excusable, but I digress.). This cannot go ignored.

"The snow is suppose to start here at midnight tonight."

No, the snow is NOT SUPPOSE to start there at 12:00 A.M. It is SUPPOSED to.

Similarly: "Where is the manual that says a 2nd wedding is SUPPOSE (she even capitalized it for me) to have a Bachelorette Party & a Bridal Shower. How much lingerie can a girl get?"

I love ya Sherri Shepherd, but girl, a second wedding is not SUPPOSE to have anything. Sorry.  Good luck with that lingerie though, you could always sell it on e-bay or something.

SUPPOSE is a verb, people. Can we all reach back into our first grade thinking caps and remember what a verb is? Reach for it, reach for it....aha! A verb tells us what the subject is doing.

First sentence subject: snow. Snow what? Starts. (Verb.) Second sentence subject: Second wedding. Second wedding what? Have (form of has.). Verb. Verbs. Get it? Snow or weddings can't suppose. In fact, I believe it is even physically impossible. Oooh. And they really can't suppose if the sentence already contains a meant verb.

Suppose should be used as follows: "It's already 3:00, I suppose I should get going." 

Supposed on the other hand is an adjective, and is what all of you mean to say/type. I'm too annoyed to give a lesson on adjectives right now as I just had to give one on verbs. (For free no less, sorry, I'm sick of unpaid internships.)  I'll give you this and if you still don't understand, you're a disgrace to humanity:  I/you/he/she/it is supposed or not supposed to do something (something being the......verb!). If you guessed that on your own, good job. You can now return to first grade....in your own classroom. Oy.

All that being said, I know what your argument is. You are all just SO confused because when people speak, most of them pronounce the "d" in supposed more silently than not. Therefore, to your ear it sounds like suppose instead of supposed. (Especially those of us from Jersey, you know how we do not pronouncing a "d" or a "t" every now and then. Example: Trenton = Trenin.) And before you go knocking my Jerseyness (Fuck you), let me just remind you that although I may make not pronounce some letters to their fullest extent, I still know how to use and spell these words correctly. Many of YOU, do not.

Didn't your mama tell you not to always believe everything you hear (especially when taught otherwise)? Tsk tsk.

Abbrevs.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. (Happy Birthday, Dad! The part of my soul that isn't near death loves my family, FYI.)

Funny I say FYI because I would like to discuss abbreviations today. As I was scanning my dad's birthday wishes yesterday, I came across this one: HBD. Really? Do we really have to use abbreviations for every flippin' word these days? (And I'm not talking about twitter because sometimes we have to get creative using the 140 character limit.) But, come on. I timed it. Writing out the words "Happy Birthday" takes approximately 3 more seconds than using the newfound abbreviation, HBD. You can't spend three extra seconds to wish someone you care about a happy birthday by spelling it out? If you can't spare a mere three seconds for this person, why are you wishing them a happy birthday anyway?

Some abbreviations have become widely used and are second nature to us such as FYI, ASAP & BTW. Some, not so much, however, I encourage you to know the right abbreviation for a word before you make an "educated" guess.

I have seen such abbreviations appear on my facebook and twitter feeds respectively: *$, meaning Starbucks and Dunkies for Dunkin Donuts. These top notch coffee extraordinaries already have other widely used abbreviations, Starbucks being SBUX and Dunkin Donuts is a simple...wait for it...DD. Perhaps you "visionaries" know this and were just trying to be "cute" or something, but honestly, it just makes you look corny. Maybe you think your abbreviation is better than the one EVERYONE ELSE uses, but apparently you are alone in your assumption. Please remove "trendsetter" from your bucket list. It's unachievable. Dunkies Dude, you even could have spared 5, glorious characters tweeting DD.  Think about it. Not cute or creative, just annoying.

Then, my favorite, you have the brainstormers who use a correct abbreviation, however for the WRONG WORD.  I have recently seen this headline come from a high-profile, entertainment news blog. "Khloe + Lamar Call From Robert's Colonic Apt???"

We are talking about the Kardashians, here. This is not surprising. What is surprising however, is the abbreviation for apartment (Apt.) being used instead of the abbreviation for appointment (Appt.). I am not a rocket scientist, but I am going to guess that Robert was at a colonic appointment, not a colonic apartment. *Shrugs*

Perhaps this blogger accidentally missed a "p" or perhaps he/she (I'm being nice doing this) really didn't know the proper abbreviation, but editing, spell checking and researching are all great tools, especially when you are in a professional environment. For all of your salary, 401K, benefits and paid vacation and sick days, these kind of mistakes should NOT happen!

In conclusion, LAZY!

Use it right or take an extra three seconds out of your day to spell it out! Rawr!

Cyber Creeps And Office Idiots

Welcome to punctuation pre-101. And I'm not even talking about the hard stuff, you know, like when to use a semi colon or a colon. We'll delve into those tricksters in another blog. This is just about using punctuation. JUST using it.

Here are some snippets from a BUSINESS e-mail I once received.

" hi

i received your app for the internship as asst for our production company, ________ productions

please send me a picture and more info about your requirements and availability and we can set up an interview

feel free to look me up on imdb

thx _________"

My stomach churned when I first read this e-mail. The fact that you use no punctuation (or capitalization as the two usually go hand in hand) really disturbs me. Not only does this make me not want to hit reply, it makes me not take you seriously AT ALL. I don't even care that you have an IMDB page to back yourself up. It makes you look creepy. Reading e-mails like this elicits similar feelings to being followed by a child molester or rapist. I'm not even exaggerating.

Then I've also received such COMPANY WIDE e-mails before (From managers, no less. Managers who get paid a heck of a lot more than I do):

"please use the office supplies you have in stock before ordering new ones......we are trying to cut costs....you should of went over this at your last staff meetings......"

I get the message. I do. Even when you decided to use the word "of" instead of "have". (You can bet your bottom dollar we will discuss this in the future too.) But would it kill you to just use one period at the end of an obvious sentence? Look how much energy you are wasting using the "..." anyway. And, capitalize each word in the beginning of a sentence. Do we not learn this on our first days of writing class? I don't understand how you can not care if you look like an idiot sending out a company wide e-mail. ESPECIALLY if you are a manager. Talk about respect! This causes your co-workers (especially those who you manage that actually know to put one little dot at the end of a thought) to wonder about your intelligence level and perhaps even become bitter. (What? I'm not speaking from personal experience or anything.)

I'm all for certain liberal pleasures in the 21st century, but sometimes there are certain lines we should not cross and this is one of them. I promise, your work environments will become much more positive if you just throw in a freakin' period once in awhile. Punctuation has been put in place for a reason. Use it.

Loveeeee, Hateeeeee. Whtttt Issssss Ittttt? Irritating.

Teenagers, I've only ever seen ya'll do this one, so I'm blaming this on you. And if you are a teenager and you don't participate in this past the point of laughable typing skill, THANK YOU.

Exhibit A

"Nooooooooo, uuuuuuu cn'tttt doooo thssss 2 meeeeeeee."

Forget the "u" for "you" right now, I can't even go there. I realize while chatting online we all may stress the last letter on the end of ONE word in order to display surprise or disbelief, but why do you need to add multiple last letters to EVERY WORD IN THE SENTENCE?! And the best part is, you add extra letters you don't need to the end of words while omitting letters you do need to correctly spell words!

Try speaking a sentence like the one above you have typed. Even characters on the worst soap opera don't speak this dramatically. (Yes, Days Of Our Lives, I'm talking about you.  It's a shame Passions is no longer on the air or I wouldn't have even picked on you right there.) This is just annoying and it makes you sound like you are constantly on your period (males included).

But not only is this heinous typing habit used to express your teenage angst, it's also used at the other end of the spectrum.

Exhibit B

"Iiiiiiiiii loveeeeeee youuuuuuu," "Lveeeee youuuuuu," "Luvvvvvvuuuuuuuuu."

And numerous other variations of the expression are read in response to teen facebook pictures and statuses every day. Especially girls. Girls, let me tell you something. Most of you will not be friends forever. As much as you believe you will, cases of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants are far and few between. One of you will grow bigger boobs than the rest of your friends and will start attracting male attention. This attention will lead her into the "popular" group, leaving the rest of you in the dust. Another one of you will start to excel in a certain area, say volleyball or lacrosse. This sport and team will soon become her life, again leaving the rest of you....in the dust. Your personal dust particle will end up being so minuscule that you will undoubtedly regret those "loveeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuu's." The "cool kids" may even go as far as purging them for their facebook forever.

And of course, we can't forget about this last part.

Exhibit C

"Withhhh myyyy grlfriendddd. I loveeee my bybyyyy." "I love my boyfrndddd soooooooo mchhhhhh!!!!! Loveee uuuuu boooooo." "Withhhh myyyyy baybeeeee, gettinnnn rdyyyyy."

As much as most of you examples in Exhibit B will end up hating each other, the hate ratio quadruples for you couples in Exhibit C. You will not be together forever. You will end up regretting this cyber love (albeit extremely exaggerated and once again, sans necessary letters) you once expressed. Why leave yourself (and others) reminders of this?

In fact during and after the break up stages of friendship and "love", you all return to Exhibit A, teenage angst and black clouds in tact. You have created a viscous cycle. Let's just pray it doesn't carry over to your schoolwork.

Like friends, foes and exes, I'm hoping you'll outgrow this typing craze too.

Sharing Useless Information Then Sharing Even More Useless Information Is More Annoying Than You Think

One of my biggest pet peeves and the trigger that inspired this blog is grown beings still confusing the words THEN and THAN. I realize that the world is filled with people of varying degrees of intelligence, but we all went to elementary school, right? (Or grade school as you preps call it.)

This annoyance first became very apparent during my freshman year of college as it frequently popped up on away messages throughout the country. "Math THAN English THAN out with my most fav girlies for Friday night fun!" With the decline of iChat and AOL instant messenger, this ridiculousness has been kept alive with similar facebook statuses and tweets.

Not only do I NOT need a play by play of your day, (why do I care?) but you are using the word THAN when you should be using the word THEN. You may not even care that you are using the word than incorrectly. You may not even care that you appear (and in most cases are) stupid. But it kills me.

Side note - We can probably all be accused of over-sharing a bit on the Internet as we now have so many outlets to do so, some people however, take this much further than others. *CoughattentionwhoresCoughmommydaddyissuesCough* And fear not, current college frosh and soon-to-be college frosh, most of these statuses/tweets you see your peers posting are BS. Their college life isn't more glamorous than yours. They most likely feel the exact same way as you do. Many people need heightened perceptions of reality to make themselves feel better. Some even go as far as believing it.

So, if you need to share with everyone you know how super great your life is or tell us what you will be doing after you take your next shit, please use the word THEN, meaning "after that". THAN is used to compare or contrast. In this case, your talk is bigger THAN your reality and/or your smarts.